The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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