Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
