The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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