he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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