If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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