I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she told me i tasted like america
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
