Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
