Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
