I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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