idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
