I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
