she looked like the before picture.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
