Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your penis caused this!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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