bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
