dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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