I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
love makes seman taste better
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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