To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just cropdusted the office
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
