never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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