Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
now i know why i became what i already was.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
