This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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