roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
