When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
