You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
