I could have mohawked her pubes.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
