woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize