haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
