She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Such a big mess for such a small penis
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
