I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
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apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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