So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
