did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
