he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
His nipple licking is glorious
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