I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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