ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
