now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
