I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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