grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize
