Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
