Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
