I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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