Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
operation harelip BJ is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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