is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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