So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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