Porn is love you can see.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
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We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
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