nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
