Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
