we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
