I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
