Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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