Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
ugly people sure do ruin things
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
