nut hugger
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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