Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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