he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize