Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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