it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
