just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
