I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
