So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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