i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
