I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
