You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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