you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
