Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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