I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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