I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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