Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
