32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
