My hand turned me down
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
