dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
