I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
