every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
