Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
