Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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