Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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