I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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