I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
