I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
