I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
