my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
