Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
