I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
