No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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