i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
