I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
