He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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